i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I could make wine with my vomit
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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