He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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