meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
