I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
