One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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