I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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