two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
