Porn is love you can see.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
