ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
