My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
