Jerry, you need to find god
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
