Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
