so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
