Are we in a gay sports bar?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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