I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Sext me about skeletons
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
