Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
