Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I wear drunk well.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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