It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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