Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
