Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
