Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize