So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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