Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize