The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
