so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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