Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
