Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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