Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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