u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
