M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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