sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
