dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
