can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
