I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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