I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
