the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
