At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
