how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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