I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
