Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
