wake up i wanna do it froggy style
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
