so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
