Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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