They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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