Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize