She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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