my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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