why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
50% drunk capacity currently
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
