no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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