Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
