And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Randomize
