I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just cropdusted the office
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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