went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
