I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize