Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
