i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Randomize
