bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
