I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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