Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
there is glitter all over my balls
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize