I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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