you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
