there's paper in my vomit.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
