I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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