well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
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