Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
